#42-MUSIC

MUSIC AND CAR RIDES

Hey everyone!

Can music be an indicator of our state of health and our symptoms?

Personally, I think so and here's why.

Music has always transported me to an inner world of joy and well-being. One of my great pleasures before the illness was to listen to music in the car or on the train while watching the landscapes pass by. A part of daydreaming, but also a moment of relaxation and a way to recharge my batteries. Every cell of my body vibrated to the sound of the music and the world before my eyes was magnified.

Have you ever felt this?!

Driving my car, crossing familiar or unfamiliar landscapes, while listening to music or songs was pure pleasure. A simple, accessible pleasure that I never thought I would lose one day.

And yet! With the disease, I quickly lost this ability to appreciate music. From the first days, when I had a 40°C fever and my body was fighting this virus, listening to the radio became very painful for me. Something trivial that once brought me relaxation and good mood, transported me to states of sadness and nostalgia that were absolutely unfamiliar to me. The new songs all sounded sad and depressing to me. I saw no other solution than to turn off the radio.

This nostalgic reaction to the music was immediate. I mean from the first days of the virus contamination. I had no idea then what to expect. How could I have known that I was going to sink for years and get bogged down in painful pericarditis and a whole set of symptoms that I could not even imagine existed before experiencing them?

All of a sudden, I no longer appreciated the music, the rhythm, the songs that I had always loved. I no longer appreciated the landscapes, the nature, the trees, the colors, the blue of the sky and the song of the birds. All these feelings of plenitude, this grace of permanent wonder in front of the beauty of life, the proofs of an immaterial happiness, everything flew away to be replaced by, at best indifference, at worst discomfort and nostalgia. For no reason other than the presence of a virus in my body. It was as if the virus was attacking my brain, influencing the way I thought and perceived the things that brought me pleasure before.

The music became a kind of test to know the state of my mind and the state of my disease. One song in particular is a good test for me: “Du Côté De Chez Swann” sung by Dave. I've always loved this song, but I've heard people say it makes them feel nostalgic and sad. The same music, the same lyrics, do not necessarily have the same effect.

In addition to losing the ability to appreciate music, beautiful landscapes, I no longer enjoyed car rides. I always loved driving and traveling, and that fun was gone too.

The worst part was losing the ability to daydream. I've always done that, daydream, invent stories, travel in my head. I could do it while multitasking. I could do all kinds of things while inventing an inner world or thinking about a lot of things. It was my way of relaxing, but also of dealing with everyday problems. I call it filing the ideas in my brain.

Not being able to daydream is a symptom that worried me because, I repeat it, it happened from day one, from the massive viral attack that invaded my body. This shows the danger of this kind of virus, when doctors tell you that it can only be pulmonary.

Talking to doctors is pointless. They can't help but say, "Oh! It must be difficult to live with this disease for so long, right!? »

Nope! This is actually a symptom of a viral attack. In my opinion, there is damage to the cells, or the chemistry is not working properly. But that's a symptom of the disease, not my mind reeling from the difficulties.

It's all too easy to deduce that it's depression, or anxiety, or whatever.

In my heart of hearts, and this is only my opinion, it is a sign of a physical dysfunction, not at all of a mental problem. And I find it unfair to be judged like this given the moral strength I need to fight this disease.

My body was no longer assimilating nutrients, and this was reflected in all its functions.

Among the solutions that I have put in place, there are food supplements such as omega 3/6/9 and glutathione. Both have greatly helped to stabilize my mood and recover my lost abilities. Because again, in my personal opinion, it's physical, not mental!

Working to repair the digestive system has been one of my priorities. And it's getting better and better.

Today was a special day.

For the first time in 4 years of illness, I felt this inner joy. This deep joy that does not depend on anyone else. This intense pleasure of living and being, quite simply.

I drove through the countryside while listening to music. The sun, the colors, the feeling of being alive. Finally! The urge to scream with joy (and I did!!).

Finally, after 4 years, I was able to do the ultimate test: listen to “Du Côté De Chez Swann” and find the same pleasure as before.

For me, this is a sign that a step has been taken on the road to recovery.

KEEP HOPE THAT IMPROVEMENT IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE!

Pericordially yours,

Vali